Rambleings

Nothing to to really report still being hassled and what not from my friend. Who doesn't seem to take a hint and is a major energy vampire. She keeps insiting why w are not visiting as much is because of her daughter umm no we aren't vivisting as much becaue we have a life that needs to be lived and are tired of her relying on us completely. All she does is take and I no longer have anyhting to give grrr.
Work is still going well thankfully just can't wait for my weekend off in two weeks I so deserve it.

Just shaking my head

My friend and neighbour is constantly giving me more and more reasons to pounder why we are still friends. The constant lies and bullshit are just beyond me. Its almost as if she is trying to run and control my life like honestly I got far away from my dad becuase he was doing just that and now I have a friend trying to do the same thing. It just boggles my mind.
There is constant drama with her and I don't feel like boreing you all with it constantly.
On the ttc front we are still plugging away with the new medication it seems to be doing somethign we shall see what all it does for me. We have our next appointment on september 15th and will be seeing where we go from there.

A quiet day

So rare is it to have a queit peacful day off where I don'y have to do anything. Tomorrow begins the nine days stright of working so this shall be interesting.
The only downfall for today is the fact that I have a stomach ache which just won't go away oh well what else is new not a heck of a lot.
Her heiness' baby shower was yesterday and with some careful planning I managed to get out of going so that was nice. I would have gone but she still doesn't seem greatful or appreciative of anything Robin and |I have done for her.

So apprently

Because I am not over at her heineses every waking minute of every day and spending time with her week and a half old daughter I am suffering from major depression. She thinks I need to call the crisis line and talk to someone because I have shed some tears and have had a hard time being around Eryn. Ummm ok isn't it only natural after wanting a child of our own to be hard to be around other people's children? Like in all honesty Robin and I have our own lives that we need to live we still have boxes to finish unpaking. I work quite a few hours every week have like a 2.5 to 3 hour commute on the bus to and from work so mayb e I just want some quiet time with my husband.
I can honestly say that I had once thought about possibly asking her to stand as a god parent for our children and after seeing the way she raises her children I am not going that route. Just because she is blind doesn't give her the excuses to do and say the thin gs she dose. There is no reason why her 20 month old doesn't know how to use a spoon, and how do you ask do I know this if I am indeed childless well I was a Nanny for an 18 month old until he was just over 3 and that child was a little behind developmentally and he was using a spoon for all his meals and not throwing his food all over the place just because he didn't want to sit in his chair and eat. There is more but I am not going to go into that. Too much anger and resentment starting to build up in side that might blow one day if she continues to push me the way she has been. We may have been friends for ten years but come off it enough is enough already.

Adventures in Tub Wresteling

Well today has been very interesting and stressful. When Robin dose something he does it good. So this mmorning we were doing our ting and decided to baby dance for fun, all was good until he decided to head to the bathroom post bd. Its quiet for a moment then I hear "Sweetie I;m feeling very dizzy", I comin grrunning out of the bedroom to see him with his head between his legs, he is heaving and then proceeds to summersault head first into the bathtub off the toilet. Completely unconcious, he then goes all ridged and starts to convulse, now not grand mal convulsions but enough that in my knee jerk reaction to check his airway and try and ge thim out of the cramped bathroom, his fist connects with my jaw. When I couldn't move him I went and grabbed the phone calle d911 and patiently waited for the ambulance to arrive. While I was on the phone with the operator he started coming to. I managed to grab his pjs and get myself some what presentable, got his wallet health card ec t and the paramedics arrived, checked him out and then took us to the hospital. Where we sat for four hours him hooke dup to a monitor and me just being paranoid that something seriously is wrong. The doctor called it idiopathic syncopy and wasn't too concerned. We are goin g to follow up with the family doctor and hopefully this doesn't happen again.

Well wonders never cease

AF decided to show up full force on her own at last. It has been since March 15th since she decided to pay an official visit. I am starting to ponder if the avandia is working already. I am feeling better not so sluggish any more. I have only been on it a week however I am already noticing some changes like the numbers on the scale slowly dropping. Could this be the sign I have been looking for that the insulin resistance is going to be finally under control? The other thing that seems to be going away that normally gets worse around AF is the boobene. I know that is not an actual term but sorry when your boobs get covered with tiny little blackheads you have the right to make up your own term for it. Well there are only a few there right now so I am impressed. If this is what happens within a week of starting the medication then I am all for it, now if this medication could mend the huge hole torn in my heart and the aching empty arms I would be over the moon.
The hole in my heart was ripped open bigger yesterday, when baby Eryn came home form the hospital. I was doing well with handling being around the kids up until then. I guess I am just not strong enough to handle this. I can handle things on my own terms. I just wish Eryn wouldn't be forced on me as soon as I walk in the door. There are going ot be times when I can't handle holding her or having anything to do with her and right now is one of them it just FUCKING HURTS TOO MUCH.
Even now I am sitting here getting my thoughts off my chest and I know she is expecting me to go over there to visit this morning before work. She claims to be understanding of our situation and even sympathetic. However how sympathetic can you be to thrust your three day old daughter into my arms and tell me when I walk in the door that Guess what I get to give the baby a bath? Ok the bath never transpired with me giving it, I dressed the baby in her pjs which was enough to send me into wanting to run from the house screaming my head off. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN????????????????????????????? My arms are aching from being empty, my heart is broken, I think my sanity is on a very thin line.