Busy times

This past weekend was my Uncle's 75th birthday party. It was a fairly stressful with all the people so my anxiety was quite high but as long as my cup remained full I got through it. Got to see a lot of family and friends that I haven't seen in a while. I also got to say good bye to my childhood cat Cleo, who's kidneys were failing. She went to the rainbow bridge last night.

As an update on the mri situation. Got the results back and all it showed was moderate arthritis more then they would have expected in someone my age. Although I am skeptical about it because it didn't show any of the stenosis that was showing after my car accident. So the results gave us more questions. My doctor will not refill the prescription for pain killers so it has been interesting. I will be calling about physiotherapy in the next week or so and see how that goes.
I went to see the psychiatrist and he changed all my medications around. I am no longer taking an as needed anxiety pill and have a reduced dosage of my main medication as well as one added at bedtime. The bedtime medication, is actually an antipyscotic that supposedly works well for anxiety. So far all the bedtime medication does is make me sleep at night and then all day. I am still getting used to it though so we shall see.

I also got a referal to a new fertility specialist. As the current one I refuse to go back to see due to his lack of bedside manner. So waiting to get the appointment date for that.
The first week of august I go back to see the psychiatrist and an orthopedic surgeon. So it has been a busy time and will continue to be

New Doctor tomorrow

Well I am going for my medication consult with a psychiatrist tomorrow well today now. As if my anxiety isn't already out of control I get some one else new thrown into the mix. I would just like to feel in control of myself once more. I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle all by myself. I do have supportive friends and my DH is supportive most of the time but he isn't being the rock I need right now. Everything seems to be crumbling down around me. I can't even tell anyone what it is exactly that I am afraid of or worries me or even makes me anxious. This is the part that is the most frustrating. It is hard to make people understand that to me these fears and worries are very very real. I also constantly feel like I have to validate myself to everyone thoroughly explain my reasoning or myself and if I don't the anxiety starts to overwhelm me.
I have people telling me that I need to let things just roll off my shoulders or not let things freak me out. I try and all I end up doing is getting more anxious and stressed about it and then I end up not sleeping, even with taking a sleeping pill.
I feel ashamed of all of this and as if I am being punished for some reason. Again no reason to feel like I am being punished I just do.
There are a lot of times I feel like I am still a child looking for acceptance affection and love.
I am broken into a million pieces that aren't fitting back together again. I have my soul mate beside me but my whole essence is a jigsaw puzzle missing a few key pieces.
Is there anyone out there who can take my hand and guide me through this dark tunnel to the light that I know is at the end of it somewhere? I am lost in this maze. I can no longer be everyone else s. This rock has crumbled, Hummpty Dummpty can't be put back together again.