The end in sight?

Ok so having more AF type cramps and had my first sight of brown spotting hardly anyhting but its there. I think the end is near now can the witch hold off just till monday so I can see my doc on cd 3 and get a higher doseage of clomid?? I would only be too lucky.

Am I broken?

I am seriously starting to ask myself this. AF type cramps yet no spotting, instead copious mounts of CM, ok never had this much before normally have to check internally to find it.
Wednesday is not coming soon enough and my appointment isn't until 3 pm so its going to be a very long day.
I am very curious as to what my p4 will tell me, it is getting so frustrated to know that monitoring is covered by the province's health care yet my doctor won't even give me a rec to get a beta done, the most he dose is a p4 on cd 19.
Windsor is looking more and more wonderful by the day. My DH applied for a really good job today, so here's hoping that it gets the ball moving.

So I am guessing that...

This is another one of my long marathon cycles, that goes on and on with no end in site. Thankfully i am going to see my doctor next week, who knows what he will say.
I tests last night on a cheapie got an evap so have no clue what to think.
Woke up this morning with a ragging migraine sore throat and ears so am spending the day on the couch.

In all kinds of stress from work, and my home business not goign as well as I would hope. Was suppossed to have a show tomorrow night and it wasn't cancled just postponed. So there goes some extra money out the window. Oh well good things come to those who wait.
Who ever came up with that saying wasn't an infertile.

Fed Up

Work is pissing me off nothing new there, I am fed up with all the bull shit that goes on at work. The back stabbing, the gossip, the just plain bull shit. Had another fight/argument with my head cashier today about the cleaning issue, she just dosen't get it, I have an attack I end up in the hospital, I end up in the hospital she is short one cashier. Sounds simple enough to me.
I am counting the days until I can say good bye and I won't be seeing you tomorrow. Is it July 1st yet?

I told my mom today about our plans to move and she sounds excited for us, so this is a good thing.
I am 18 dpo and starting to go insane come on AF just show your face already

17dpo and counting

Ok so today I am ofically 17dpo and still no sign either way. Another four days and I will test again bearing she dosen't show her face by then. I have spent the day attempting to fix DH's computer that hasn't worked too well, there is definatly something amiss there when xp won't load files correctly grrrrrrr. I have also attempted to make a tourteiere still waiting to see how that turned out it should be out of hte oven in about half an hour or so. Tomorrow is another day at work so that will keep my mind busy and not wondering too mcuh about being 18dpo.

Someone needs a chill pill

Computers some times mess up they arne't perfect , but oh my when his has a slight issue all hell has to break lose. The temper flares, the impatiens rears its ugly head I don't want to be in the same room as him.
Take a deep breath and relax its just a piece of technology that can malfunction

Cramps, BFN, and Uncertanty

Of course I cracked yesterday and tested BFN no big surprise there. The cramps started this morning, but no spotting no nothing like AF is going to make an imidetiate appearance. I honestly don't know what to think, I am at my witts end, I don't know where to turn, who to ask.
I want to move already and get a doctor who will actually monitor me. Was it just too early to test, did I possibly implant really late? Is there any reason to have even a glimmer of hope left?
Dose anyone have any answers for me?

Possibly Triphasic

Ok so I imput my temp this mornign and I get this message on fertility frieand possibly triphasic on cd 25, yippie another sign pointing towards the ultimate goal, the little bar beside early pregancy signs estimater is at 90pt. I don't put too much thought into this though because Ih ave had it up to 98pts and that was a busted cycle.
I still havne't tested, unsure if and when I want to even test. Yes I know I am killing some of you here, but after everythign I have been threw you just have to understand the longing for those two lines but the fear that comes along with those two lines.
I have how ever checked the chiense gender predictor (was there any ways checking for my pregnant blind friend) I have also made an approximate ticker just to find out how far (for purely medical sakes my Dr wants an early us and my appointment isn't until Feb 4th)
Even with all this woke up this morning and my lower back was sore, hmmm that usually means AF is around the cornor, so there goes down a few levels of apprehension.
FF has my test date of monday, which thankfully is my day off so if I end up in a bad mood I am at home instead of dealing with customers.
Also because of my whacky cycles I have no idea how long my LP is actually suppossed to be, umm only had one so called normal cycle, so how do I even know that testing on monday or today or that matter 15dpo is going to be accurate. Did I really O when my temps said I did? What did my P4 test revel did I even actually O?
So many questions going threw this infertiles mind it is unreal.
I just want clairification am I not allowed that, can't my life just be simple look at me cross eyed and bang the stick has two lines.

Work offically sucks

I am really begining to hate my job and considering I used ot love it this hurts. In december the assistant head cashier quit, the straw finally broke the camel's back so to speak. Since then work has been HELL. Now the AHC was such a sweetie we all loved her she stood up for us lowly cashiers the works, now that she is gone OMFG. First off let me say after an incident last year I have a doctor's note upstairs in the office forbiding me from cleaning or dusting due to severe allergies exasserbated by severe asthma. Well what dose the witch of a head cashier make me do yesterday but clean a four foot section of selves which havne't been washed or dusted in a year (the only time we have time to clean the shelves in in the slow period) so needless to say my asthma falred up sorta got it under control but am still feeling tight today. Then there is the standing for 10 hours a day in basically the same spot, I am part time I shouldn't be working 40+ hours a week because they refuse to fill the AHC postion until the spring so we need to cover the hours that she was working and there are only three of us working during the day. You have to understand that its a 40 minute walk each way for me to get to work. I enjoy the exercise but in -44 C weather come off it its too freaken cold.
I have also don somethign to my knee yet again this is the same knee that I messed up last april falling threw my deck, the same knee that has a floating knee cap, the same knee that in 03 completely dislocated itself and I was in a full leg splint for 6 months. So it hurts which makes me groucy oh and did I mention Work sucks.

Ok off the work topic for a moment and back to the TTC topic, I ran out of HPT's all I have is OPKs grrrr the test line is as dark as it was right before I o'd but still not a true + so I have no flipping clue as to what the hell is going on and I am too cheap to go out and spend like $18 on a FRER.

Insane Temp spike

Ok I have no idea where that temp spike came from this morning.
I have been battling the stomach flu since monday (finally feeling better today) then this morning my temp goes way high, I had to take it twice just to make sure i wasn't seeing things.
I so don't want to have any hope for this cycle because if i have hape then it will only get squashed like it has every other time.
On 50mg of clomid, 1500 mg of Metformin 3rd cycle post lap and axiously awaiting that illusive BFP.

When is it going to be my turn? Can any one answer that question for me?

The Decsion has been reached

After long thought my DH and I have finally reached a decision about where we are heading in life.
I should back up and explain a bit we currently live in a rural northern Ontario town. With no doctors, no real decent jobs, no nothing. We have been battling infertility for the past five and a half years. Life isn't always cheering and nor should it be. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. It is now time to take control of some situations.
Our current doctor is only willing to go threw six rounds of clomid before sending us off to yet another doctor. Which by living here isn't going to be feasiable. Thus comes our decision.
We have both already started to the job hunting process, have decided on the where and now we just have to let nature take its course. The plan is to be completely moved by the summer, so we shall see if that actually happens or not. Let's hope it dose.
I am creating this blog to vent and share my story. Please bear in mind that I am deslexic so sometimes my posts might be in code I apologize in advance, if you don't like it then don't read it.