Fooled again

Ok so af never really did show her face just three days of spotting and never anything more than that. Joy oh joy.
I am sitting here at this early hour because my friend has left for the hospital to have her second baby. Ryan (her first) is sleeping upstairs. I am honestly not sure how I should feel with all of this. I have pretty much been on auto pilot the last few weeks and not letting my feelings come out. Now today all I want to do is cry, abd ask myself why its not me.