Well wonders never cease

AF decided to show up full force on her own at last. It has been since March 15th since she decided to pay an official visit. I am starting to ponder if the avandia is working already. I am feeling better not so sluggish any more. I have only been on it a week however I am already noticing some changes like the numbers on the scale slowly dropping. Could this be the sign I have been looking for that the insulin resistance is going to be finally under control? The other thing that seems to be going away that normally gets worse around AF is the boobene. I know that is not an actual term but sorry when your boobs get covered with tiny little blackheads you have the right to make up your own term for it. Well there are only a few there right now so I am impressed. If this is what happens within a week of starting the medication then I am all for it, now if this medication could mend the huge hole torn in my heart and the aching empty arms I would be over the moon.
The hole in my heart was ripped open bigger yesterday, when baby Eryn came home form the hospital. I was doing well with handling being around the kids up until then. I guess I am just not strong enough to handle this. I can handle things on my own terms. I just wish Eryn wouldn't be forced on me as soon as I walk in the door. There are going ot be times when I can't handle holding her or having anything to do with her and right now is one of them it just FUCKING HURTS TOO MUCH.
Even now I am sitting here getting my thoughts off my chest and I know she is expecting me to go over there to visit this morning before work. She claims to be understanding of our situation and even sympathetic. However how sympathetic can you be to thrust your three day old daughter into my arms and tell me when I walk in the door that Guess what I get to give the baby a bath? Ok the bath never transpired with me giving it, I dressed the baby in her pjs which was enough to send me into wanting to run from the house screaming my head off. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN????????????????????????????? My arms are aching from being empty, my heart is broken, I think my sanity is on a very thin line.