Not myself

I haven't been myself lately. I feel like a stranger in my own body. My thoughts are all scattered I don't have an attention span. Anxiety is at its highest. When my anxiety gets like his my ADD goes out of control. I just want to curl up in a dark hole until this all calms itself down. The doctor thinks medication is the way to go I hate taking meds. I just don't feel in control of my life at the moment. My Dh is out of a job I am on stress leave we might not have a home for long if this keeps up. What to do where to turn everything is so frazzled. The hole in my heart is growing bigger every day starting to wonder if it will ever be whole again.
I don't feel grounded yet spritually I am growing more and more each day. Embracing my pagan life style more and more becoming more involved in the community. Yet I am a floundering fish on the beach struggling to breath because I can't find my center. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG