Doctors Orders

So I went in for my p4 blood test this morning. Also had a CBC added to it been feeling anemic lately and don't want that getting out of control. I also figured that since I am there and its been basically a month since I had my knee checked last and its not getting any better to get it checked again. So they proceed to get the x rays omg they are so painful a healthy unpainful knee dosen't bend like that you moron. I must say though when she asked the dreaded question before starting the xrays "Any chance you could be pregnant?" my response was I am currently on a medicated cycle and just went for a serum progesterone test however it is too early for a urine test to give accurate results, she looked at me kind of puzzled then said well let's be better safe then sorry and I will give you double lead layer.
So I go back and sit in the waiting room I get called in and I sit in the exam room for over a hour and wait and wait my knee throbbing from the manipulation needed for the xrays, I watch the doctor pass back and forth in front of the door, when he finally comes in and asks where it hurts then proceeds to twist and manipulate it even more the tears and flowing freely now, me knee hurts ok stop moving it like that.
His conculsion it still hasn't healed the antiinflamatories I was given before aren't doing anyhting. He says we'll get you somehtign stronger, ok good becuase this pain is driving me insane. He then says you need a brace, you knee is very very very instable finally someone with some brains. He then goes on to say that I am not allowed to twist or cross my legs when sitting or do anyhitng that puts my knee at a weird angle. He also says and his orders "You have to be very very careful, hold onto railings be very careful walking watch where you step your knee could go at any minute. Be very careful"
So I guess the ER at our hospital (because we don't have a clinic in town and I do not have a fmaily doctor) has redeemed itself a little bit I walked out with a script for a knee brace, and another for some stronger antiinflamatories. His diagnosis is the same torn cartlige and to wait another month and see if the brace and the new meds help.

Just random thoughts

There is so much going threw my mind right now. I am getting so excited about the prospect of moving. Slowly going threw daydreams of how I want to decorate and such. Looking at things at work and saying that would be nice to get for the new place. There is this gorgeous framed picture of a vase of white with pink hues roses, which I think would be perfect in our bedroom. In this apartment we still have boxes packed from when we moved in. This apartment was suppossed to be a temporary stepping stone. Our landlord told us that he would have a house for us in six months well in July we will have been here three years. So we haven't decorated everything is very cluttered and its down right depressing looking at this hole. I can't wait to have room to move rooms to go into to get away form DH. This apartment is basically a bacelor apartment with a small bedroom so very tiny. The kitchen we can't even open the fridge door all the way, there is hardly enough room for one person in there let alone two when you need help with something. I have a nice burn scar on my back from the roasting pan from christmas of 07, had it on the stove top resting before carving and was trying to do somethign on the counter and ouch burnt my back.
There is so much that I would love to have a place for everything all my nick nacks proudly displayed. I have three boxes of party light candle holders and no where to display them. Not to mention the fact that I have no cupboard space for all my pampered chef stuff.
I have decided that I am going to head down to Windsor for the week that my friend is having her scheduled c section, that way my nefew will be able to stay at home while his mom is in the hospital and have some what of a normal routine. Here is hoping that both my DH and I have jobs by then. I would love to be able to move without having new jobs linned up but that is not practical. As it is when we do move we will be moving into a new house and having furniture for our bed room and the dinning room, but thats about it. My couches are not coming with us, because Koda even though he was a sweetie we had to find him a new home destroyed both couches and there is no way I am going ot bring those into a new house. He had severe anxiety issues and the minute you left the house he would pee on the couches, I have steam cleaned and used pet ordour remover and nothing helps. Now the smell might actually be gone but I can still smell it so right now they both have blankets covering them. I have a feeling kijji is going ot be my friend the first few weeks we are there.
There is just so much I want and so much that I can visualize. I can't wait to have a home that actually feels liek a home. THis apartment feels so empty, its hard to explain we havne't made it ours, we have no pictures on the walls, no nick nacks out, my table has a plain white table cloth on it and its very cluttered, there is no place for anyhting nothing has its own special little place. Half my bedroom furniture is in my living room, my microwave is sitting on my dresser, my tv is sitting on a dinning room table (because i have two tables) I could go on and on.
I have my fingers crossed that my DH hears something about the job he applied for last month, they said they would let selected applicants know by the 27th of this month so next week. Here's hoping

I think yesterday was it

CM went back to creamy today temp went up so it was either yesterday or sunday bd today again just incase I sure hope we caught the egg this time if I even released an egg. I am really gettign frustrated here

Confusing OPKs

Well the opk was - tonight no line what so ever and I have had no EWCM so I don't know what to think but then again I ddin't have as much creamy or watery as I normally have so thinking that the clomid is drying me up slightly thankfully we have preseed.
I guess tomorrow will tell if the cm dries up or not and what my temp dose although my temp this cycle has me scratching my head
Its back to work tomorrow I am not looking forward to it. My knee has gotten lots of rest this weekend and it is only mildly bothering me still swollen like a water melon but not as sore tormorrow will tell me how much it hates standing in one spot at work

Having this time off work makes me realize even more how much I am hating my job lately. I can't wait for the end of the month to find out if my DH has a chance at the job he applied for. The sooner we can move and get out of here the better. If we could afford to we would be moving before finding new jobs but that is out of the question at this point and time.
We had a nice quiet valentines day yesterday, didn't do much just watched tv and enjoyed some of our favorite snack foods.
Still no + on the OPKs so still waiting there. Hopefully when DH gets home from work tonight he will be in the mood.

Its finally Friday

I am so glad that the week is over. Time for some much needed r and r this weekend. It will be nice and quiet because DH has to work.
OPK's are still getting slightly darker so maybe just maybe they will turn into a ture + at some point. I am not confident in my temps at all this cycle they have been all over the place maybe the battery is going in my thermometer. I guess all I cna do is keep temping and hope that everythign turns out alright

Is it Friday Yet??

One more short shift at work and then three wonderful days off. Three days to rest my knee and hopefully it will feel better. My daily limp isn't the most pleasnt to the eye, but it helps me get around now the walking up the 20 or so stairs to the break room at work kills me but its winter so I have to bring my winter coat to work so that is a minamum of four trips up and down those stairs the agony.
My ovaries are in over drive feels like they are constantly aching so I am hoping this is a good sign. OPK's are still getting darker so yippie

Ok OPK is slightly darker today

SO here I am cd 8 and my opk is slightly darker, I must say I am impressed as yesterday's is close to as dark as I usually ever get maybe this time the clomid is doing what it is supossed to. I do know that my ovaries are aching quite a bit so maybe just maybe, not getting my hopes up too much yet, but false hopes are better than hopes. Going to do another opk when I get home from work this evneing and see if it is the same or darker than this mornings. There might be some light at the end of this tunnle, between the increased dosage of the met which is making me feel a bit better, the excessive fatigue I have been plauged with seems to be slowly diminishing, things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I am hoping that my O date is sometime this weekend because that would be a great valentine's day gift to ourselves.
I had better remind DH to make sure he has the pipes cleaned out because the baby dancing marathon has to comence soon.

Here we go again been there done that but doing it again

Took the last two little clomid pills today so now the constant scrutanizing of all the little things leading up to O has begun.
Started the ritual with politely asking my DH today if he had "cleared the pipes lately" which just kinda got a smirk out of him.
Those little tests that are supossed to indicate an LH surge I am still not too sure I turly beleive they work for me, I have never gotten a true +. That maybe the PCOS issues there but only time will tell. The one I took tonight just for the hell of it was abotu as half as dark as the control so here's to the twice daily routine, of grab disposable dixie cup assume the position pee in said cup check color to make sure that its concentrated enough, dip said little test strip in cup, rest said test strip across the top of the cup and wait the allotted time frame, squint, peer, tilt what ever necessary to try and determine said color of test line while conpamring it to the control line. Mentally record the outcome and start all over again the next day. THis doen't even begin on the checking for CM, is it just watery or is it heading toways EW??
From the day AF rears her ugly face we wait and prepare for the big O and i am not talking orgazim here, nope waiting for that little egg to be released.
I would love to know when in the cycle are we suposed to relax and just let nature take its course???
Oh yeah right that is for those who are not struggling with infertility and had an opps, we weren't planning this.
Not for us bitter and jealsous infertiles who sit here waiting with empty arms

Will this winter ever end??

I am so tired of the cold, ice and snow its not even funny. Saterday we had rain then it froze over night so you guessed it my driveway is a skating rink. Glare ice + sore knee not a good combo. I wipped out going up the stairs from my apartment on the way to work yesterdya and then when I was getting out of my friend's car I wipped out coming home, my poor knee just has no luck, no wonder it keeps getitng worse.

On the work front I havne't seen the head cashier since last tuesday but I have to work with her today. So up till today work has been great havne't felt any tnesion, I am sure that will change today. The only bad thing about work is the fact that I was scammed but we got it sorted out and I feel a bit better not completely but I still feel horrible that it happened.

I am on day four of my clomid and just trucking along not sure what to expect this time around I am not holding out much hope. Maybe the new dosage of met and the clomid together will work I honestly have no idea but we shall see.

Ok to furthur expand my doctor's appointment yesterday, it could have been better, we waited for almost two hours mind you the doctor did have to run out and deliver a baby girl, so i guess the wait was worth while.
Finally get into see him he dose a quick glance at my chart, asks to double check I took the clomid last cycle and says well that dose didn't work so we will try 100mg. I ask him for a cbc because I have been feelign anemic lately, almost had to fight to get that, but once he understood no family doctor he gave it to me. Hands me another rec for a p4 on cd 19 (he is obbessed with cd 19) and says see you in six weeks. He also goes on to say that he will only go so far with clomid yes I know this you explained all that at my last three appointments, so I proceed to tell him that we are planning on moving and that I have a doctor lined up that works at a satelight fertility clinic, that perked him up. So now we move onto the 100 mg and start the process all over again.

The other issue we had yesterday is we have to rent a car to get to my appointments becuase they are 40 Km away. At 10:30 yesterdya morning an hour and a half before we are supossed to pick up our car, we get a call from the rental company, they apprently didn't realize that they had a rental till that morning, and the car re had reserved came back dmanaged so they don't have a car for us. At this point I am silently freaking. They proceed to tell us that they went ahead and called another rental company and got us a car. Now this other ocmpany is almost $20 more for the rental then we were prepared to pay. Thankfully after some time on the phone got it all sorted out and our next rental from the original company is going to be discounted.

Over lal it was a nice day despite everything we did a little bit of shopping, got perscriptions renewed, found me a new pair of work shoes and finally got a doctor to ackwoledge that my knee has somehting wrong with it.
I did the stupid thing and went and googled torn knee cartlige this morning, now why in the world did I do that? I already knew what it was going ot say but reading it wasn't any better. Let's just hope that the antiinflamatories make it better I don't needa third surgery in as many years.

50mg was a defanite bust

Well my p4 indicates I didn't ovulate at all on the 50 mg or at least before I had the p4 drawn. I am now up to 100mg and go back to see in on april 6th I am to call him if I get a + test before then though.
Also went to the walk in to get my other perscriptions refilled (still no fmaily doctor) and have my knee checked (its been lockign up on me lately) Well the doc there thinks that I have torn some cartlige in it now that explains the pain I have been in and it locking, so if it dosen't feel better in a month I am to go back and get a referal to an orthopod.

Today has been a long and busy day so thats all of the update for now will post more tomorrow

Today was slightly better

So work today was slightly better, had a full shift wow. Next's weeks schedule is up and my hours have gone up to 25. I guess the fact that I looked like I was ready to kill someone today helped. Since I cna't do the cleaning of the shelves I am left with washing the windows and show cases every shift I am in it takes me about two hours to get the all done, well today i am doing my thing, and NO ONE ELSE is cleaning, they are standing around twidling their thumbs, yet my hours get cut WTF. One other cashier cleaned for maybe 45 minutes near the end of hte day but that was only after the general manager asked her to.

On the reproductive front tomorrow is my long anticipated appointment. Today i htought for sure there was going ot be full flow. There was some pink spotting that was getting slightly heavier for about an hour and a half this afternoon and now its back to scant brown spottign so I honestly don't know. I am debating about doing another hpt tomorrow just for hte hell of it before my appointment.
I will update tomorrow about my appointment

Frustrated

Which one to start about first work or the fact that I am broken?

Work I guess, I swear they are trying ot make it so I will just quit. My hours have been cut to under 20 a week, all becasue them not following my doctor's note anbd making me clean I ended up needing to call in sick two days last week. Today another cashier calls in sick so I am left alone to man customer service and cash for two hours, the two busiest hours of the day between 4 and 6. No one even talks to me any more its like i have the plague. I am so hatign my job right now, but i don't want to just up and quit and give them the satisfaction, I also don't want to take the layoff I was offered (until the cleaning is done) becuase then that screws up my profit sharing, and the possibility of a transfer to the Windsor store.

Now with my broken reproductive system. Still havign some spotting its gotten light pink now but still no flow. I feel like I have a UTI just nothign seems to be working right.
I also know that when we move I will be seeing a proper RE so it makes me scratch my head and wonder do I print out al lthe wonderful information a wonderful dear friend sent me and make my unwilling ot do much doctor read it, or do i tuff it out on the clomid and just wait until we move?
Anyone reading this please give me your opionions on this. I am at my witts end.

Yesterday was a day I'd rather not repeate

Yesterday was the day from hell. I some how managed despite my numerous antivirus programs, antispy ware and anti adware programs to get two nasty viruses, a backdoor and a nasty trojan. I enlisted help to get rid of the trojan the only one I knew I had we successfully got rid of it, only to find that my computer had been comprimised with the backdoor. Thankfully I hadn't been using any fincial information sicne before the backdoor had been opened I have put my accoutns on alert as a percaution though. Then I had to refotmat to regain the integrity of my computer always a fun task. I baked up everything like a good girl, and then began reinstalling everything, then the horror struck.
I had had my password for fertility friend set as a remember me always, I was unable to change my email address on the site when I got my email address changed and couldn't remember my secrete word. I began to panic, after many frustrating emails with fertility friend unwilling to help, this morning was finally able to get in.
This morning also marked slightly more spotting. Its not my normal pre af spotting dark brown and only when I wipe or check internally. So still no flow, temp is still elevated and I am still in limbo

And Today Nothing

So I was expecting AF today or at least more spotting nope, nothing nadda. My temp even went up slightly. Someone please stop this rollor coaster its not fun any more I want off.