It's been a while

I never realized how lax I had been lately about keeping my blog updated. Although I am not too sure even how many people even read my blog.
Let's see what has gone on in the past few months. I started the new job finished training, got onto the production floor was loving every minute of it and then bang I get hit like a truck with first bronchitis and the if not at the same time with the flu, wasn't tested but my doctor does think it was the n1h1. So I have been off work since November 25th and am getting anxious to go back.
My DH has also finally gotten a job, at the same company I am at just working at a different project. Things are finally starting to look up for us in some respects.
We spent the holidays at my in laws. Had a good time with them, my side of the family however caused all kinds of anxiety which of course is the usual around the holidays if not any time for that matter.
As for the ttc front, I have had three "normal" cycles and am currently in the 2ww. I am not expecting anything out of it but the slight hope is always there, which is normal something exciting and good would be so nice to ring in the new year. We shall see. Not holding my breath though.
Since New Year's Eve is a full moon and it is the second full moon in December we are attending a blue moon ritual and party with our pagan community it should be great. The new year is already starting to get booked between starting work again and discussion groups and possible plans for an event in September. Will keep anyone who reads this posted. I will do better to keep this blog updated, that is my new years resolution.

Loving my new job

I am on my second week of training and I am loving it. The first day we had new hire orientation and during that we discovered that not only do we have a good job but we are also able to sign up for the apprenticeship course, which means that while working I am earning a certification in Inbound call center IT. This is so great, I can go get my student card next month once all my paperwork comes in. With having the student card means I get all the student discounts yippie no more full fee monthly bus passes. I am loving the getting done at 4 pm and getting home by 4:30. It so nice working so close to home its only an 8 minute bus ride. Compared to the 3 hours combined I was on the bus for the retail job. Next week we get onto the floor to start taking calls. I can't wait to start actually providing the tech support. This is finally a job that I feel challenged on instead of feeling stupid daily.

Got the job

Sweet I got the job its at a call center I will be working in tech support for wireless internet. Training starts next tuesday. I so can't wait I am hell bent to make this work

Second Interveiw today

This afternoon I go for my second interview. I am kinda nervous but I so need this job. I know its at a call center and they are notorious for hiring and firing but I already know I can do the job I juts need to get in and do really good at my job. I need to get away from Canadian tire, it has gotten that the thought of going to work at the store is making me physically ill. It is defiantly time for a change.

Job Interview tomorrow

I am an interview for a full time job tomorrow I am so nervous. This is exactly what I need right now. Well I need Robin to land a job too but me gettign this job will defianatly help.

Got my new tattoo

So I got my third tattoo today I love it I so want to post pictures but my kittens have hidden my camera's usb cord so pictures will have to wait util I can find it tomorrow.

More waiting

Went and saw my RE today and today's appointment was much better than the first one. I walked out with a beta recquistion so will get that done this week.
We also have our treatment plan in place if the beta is negative. I wait till the begining of October and if no af, then do poas test if bfn, the take the provera. On cd1 call into the office book a cd 12 us. CD 2 start femera one pill on cd 2 two pills cd3 three pills cd4 four pills cd 5. CD 12 go in for my ultra sound possibly go for one more ultra sound get the trigger date info and perscription and book the iui appointment. So looks like we are good to go I can't wait

again

So yeah I know its Saturday but I was busy on Thursday to update and yesterday I got home from work completely exhausted. So poas again Thursday morning af was due Thursday and again it was the same as Tuesday so no further ahead. Still no sign of af, and none of my usual bloating and water weight gain. The spotting has stopped completely and when there was some spotting it was brown. I would so love for this to be it and I am just testing too early I am using the dollar store tests for now. I go see my re on the 15th so if no concrete answers by then I will be sure asking for a beta.

Too good to be true?

12 dpo hallucaline maybe not sure, slight brown spotting on internal cm check. hmmmm no idea not wanting to hold out hope poas again on thursday.

week one done and over wiht onto week two

Is it too much to hope that we could go back to the RE's with some good news already onboard? Not goign to over anaylize anything although I really want even a glimmer of hope even if it is false hope.

My ovary hurts

Ok this could be a good thing but it sure is annoying right now oh well such is life here's hoping fingers crossed for the next two weeks

Making progress

Since starting the avandia I haven't noticed a big weight loss three to five pounds to be exact. Hower my scale also meausers body fat and I have degreased that by 1.5%. This is a start. My clothes are fitting so much better. My work capris are now three inches too big in the waist I can put them on and off with out undoing the zipper or the button. A dress I bought three years ago is now huge on me, so things are changing. I am really hoping the my RE notices this when I go see him next month despite the fact that the actual weight has not dropped a lot. It has however stabalized. I used to fluctuate as much as 10 pounds in a week. I have been stable with only going up a pound or so with water rentention.
It so dosen't help that I have a torn meniscus in my left knee and then just last mondya I dislocated the knee cap on my right knee.

At long last

The energy vampire is out of my life. It came to heads a couple days ago and now I am truly rid of her. Now I do feel bad for my nefew and neice but it is not my job to raise them.

In other news I had a 29 day cycle and am not patiently using opks and going about my usual routine. Currently on cd9 so here is hoping maybe this medication is all I needed.
I am currently enjoying my first weekend off since I started at this store so it is nice despite all the rainvand getting soaked today going to run a few errands.
On wednesday we went to a full moon ritual with our new coven and it was great. We both honestly needed that. Between the feeling compeltely at ease with people we had just met that night and the full belly laughter. It was so nice to be aorund fellow pagens.

Rambleings

Nothing to to really report still being hassled and what not from my friend. Who doesn't seem to take a hint and is a major energy vampire. She keeps insiting why w are not visiting as much is because of her daughter umm no we aren't vivisting as much becaue we have a life that needs to be lived and are tired of her relying on us completely. All she does is take and I no longer have anyhting to give grrr.
Work is still going well thankfully just can't wait for my weekend off in two weeks I so deserve it.

Just shaking my head

My friend and neighbour is constantly giving me more and more reasons to pounder why we are still friends. The constant lies and bullshit are just beyond me. Its almost as if she is trying to run and control my life like honestly I got far away from my dad becuase he was doing just that and now I have a friend trying to do the same thing. It just boggles my mind.
There is constant drama with her and I don't feel like boreing you all with it constantly.
On the ttc front we are still plugging away with the new medication it seems to be doing somethign we shall see what all it does for me. We have our next appointment on september 15th and will be seeing where we go from there.

A quiet day

So rare is it to have a queit peacful day off where I don'y have to do anything. Tomorrow begins the nine days stright of working so this shall be interesting.
The only downfall for today is the fact that I have a stomach ache which just won't go away oh well what else is new not a heck of a lot.
Her heiness' baby shower was yesterday and with some careful planning I managed to get out of going so that was nice. I would have gone but she still doesn't seem greatful or appreciative of anything Robin and |I have done for her.

So apprently

Because I am not over at her heineses every waking minute of every day and spending time with her week and a half old daughter I am suffering from major depression. She thinks I need to call the crisis line and talk to someone because I have shed some tears and have had a hard time being around Eryn. Ummm ok isn't it only natural after wanting a child of our own to be hard to be around other people's children? Like in all honesty Robin and I have our own lives that we need to live we still have boxes to finish unpaking. I work quite a few hours every week have like a 2.5 to 3 hour commute on the bus to and from work so mayb e I just want some quiet time with my husband.
I can honestly say that I had once thought about possibly asking her to stand as a god parent for our children and after seeing the way she raises her children I am not going that route. Just because she is blind doesn't give her the excuses to do and say the thin gs she dose. There is no reason why her 20 month old doesn't know how to use a spoon, and how do you ask do I know this if I am indeed childless well I was a Nanny for an 18 month old until he was just over 3 and that child was a little behind developmentally and he was using a spoon for all his meals and not throwing his food all over the place just because he didn't want to sit in his chair and eat. There is more but I am not going to go into that. Too much anger and resentment starting to build up in side that might blow one day if she continues to push me the way she has been. We may have been friends for ten years but come off it enough is enough already.

Adventures in Tub Wresteling

Well today has been very interesting and stressful. When Robin dose something he does it good. So this mmorning we were doing our ting and decided to baby dance for fun, all was good until he decided to head to the bathroom post bd. Its quiet for a moment then I hear "Sweetie I;m feeling very dizzy", I comin grrunning out of the bedroom to see him with his head between his legs, he is heaving and then proceeds to summersault head first into the bathtub off the toilet. Completely unconcious, he then goes all ridged and starts to convulse, now not grand mal convulsions but enough that in my knee jerk reaction to check his airway and try and ge thim out of the cramped bathroom, his fist connects with my jaw. When I couldn't move him I went and grabbed the phone calle d911 and patiently waited for the ambulance to arrive. While I was on the phone with the operator he started coming to. I managed to grab his pjs and get myself some what presentable, got his wallet health card ec t and the paramedics arrived, checked him out and then took us to the hospital. Where we sat for four hours him hooke dup to a monitor and me just being paranoid that something seriously is wrong. The doctor called it idiopathic syncopy and wasn't too concerned. We are goin g to follow up with the family doctor and hopefully this doesn't happen again.

Well wonders never cease

AF decided to show up full force on her own at last. It has been since March 15th since she decided to pay an official visit. I am starting to ponder if the avandia is working already. I am feeling better not so sluggish any more. I have only been on it a week however I am already noticing some changes like the numbers on the scale slowly dropping. Could this be the sign I have been looking for that the insulin resistance is going to be finally under control? The other thing that seems to be going away that normally gets worse around AF is the boobene. I know that is not an actual term but sorry when your boobs get covered with tiny little blackheads you have the right to make up your own term for it. Well there are only a few there right now so I am impressed. If this is what happens within a week of starting the medication then I am all for it, now if this medication could mend the huge hole torn in my heart and the aching empty arms I would be over the moon.
The hole in my heart was ripped open bigger yesterday, when baby Eryn came home form the hospital. I was doing well with handling being around the kids up until then. I guess I am just not strong enough to handle this. I can handle things on my own terms. I just wish Eryn wouldn't be forced on me as soon as I walk in the door. There are going ot be times when I can't handle holding her or having anything to do with her and right now is one of them it just FUCKING HURTS TOO MUCH.
Even now I am sitting here getting my thoughts off my chest and I know she is expecting me to go over there to visit this morning before work. She claims to be understanding of our situation and even sympathetic. However how sympathetic can you be to thrust your three day old daughter into my arms and tell me when I walk in the door that Guess what I get to give the baby a bath? Ok the bath never transpired with me giving it, I dressed the baby in her pjs which was enough to send me into wanting to run from the house screaming my head off. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN????????????????????????????? My arms are aching from being empty, my heart is broken, I think my sanity is on a very thin line.

Pictures of Eryn and Ryan my neice and nefew

Happy Birthday Baby Eryn

Well baby Eryn has arrived. Welcome to the world, mom and baby are both doing well. Auntie here on the other end isn't sure how she is going to handle this going to see them this afternoon

Fooled again

Ok so af never really did show her face just three days of spotting and never anything more than that. Joy oh joy.
I am sitting here at this early hour because my friend has left for the hospital to have her second baby. Ryan (her first) is sleeping upstairs. I am honestly not sure how I should feel with all of this. I have pretty much been on auto pilot the last few weeks and not letting my feelings come out. Now today all I want to do is cry, abd ask myself why its not me.

cramps suck

Ok so AF is attempting to make an appearance and she is kicking my ass. The craqmps and headache and backache can all bite me. I just wish she would hurry up and show her face fully instead of doing the teasing game, oh let's spot for an hour or so completly stop the start the You know the usual life of an irregular af.

Feeling slightly better

I went for my physical with my family doc yesterday. I told her about the things the RE said to me and the tone he used and what not. She told me that in her eyes I am healthy and not to attempt any fad diets so I will listen to her. She is also going ot send me to an ortho for my knee and someone else to remove the mole that has been bugging me for the longest time now. So life is good. Well except for the fact that I ended up with a mild case of heat stroke yesterday and was up half the night vomiting and not being able to get comfortable. Oh well such is life. I really hope we can get caught up on everything now that DH's EI is finally coming in and we can get an ac some time soon

Well no more clomid but slightly dissapointed

Well we had our first appointment with our new RE today, and first off I was slightly dissapointed to learn that the earliest we might be starting treatments is in October. I was told that I am Metormin resistant, oh me oh my what else is knew my body fails to work the way it should yet again. I have a script for Avandia which he hopes will work better. Let me just say that even though my new RE is the best in the area he is not SIZE FREINDLY. I am so tired of being stereo typed. I do not sit on the couch all day stuffing my face until I couldn't possibly eat any more. I am not lazy, we do not own a car so I walk or take the bus where ever I have to go. Basically we are not starting treatments because according to him I am not healthy because of my weight. Now my weight has been steady for over the last year I have gone up and down a couple of pounds either way but have stayed at ruffly this weight for a year so excuse me I am sorry if the fact that gee now I knwo hte metformin was not working for me at all, so I have spent the last two years with GI upset for nothing.
When we do finalkly start treatments it is goin g to be timed intercourse with femera first, then IUI with gonal F and then if that doesn't work ovarian drilling. No mention of IVF at this point. I know I am in good hands but WTF. I go back in september and go from there I guess.
Oh and a side effect of Avandia Ovarian stimulation, could I be so lucky???

Time goes by so quickly

Tomorrow is our first appointment with the new RE. We are both excited and apprehensive at the same time. Wondering what this doctor will be able to do for us, how our blood work and my DH's SA went. I do know from reading the info on my RE's protocols on his web site that I am in good hands. All IUI's are done with triggers and careful monitoring, his fee for the sperm wash is only $160 that is the cheapest I have seen any where in all my research so to me that is a blessing. I can't wait in a way to get the treatments started although that probably won't be for a little bit, I am sure he will probably will have more tests to run before we actually get started.
I also can't believe that baby Eyrn will be here next monday wow, where as the time gone. My DH and I will be babysitting Ryan while my friend is in the hospital I've taken a couple days off work and for the rest of the week been given shorter shifts so that way I am not putting it all on my DH to look after the active 20 month old.
I still don't know how I am going to feel when I meet baby Eryn I am going ot just see how thing go, I am anxious about that because I don't want to seem to hurt or downplay my friend's joy in the expansion of her family.
The things we infertiles do for our friends and family.

Only one week left

Until our appointment with the new RE I can't wait. I went with my friend to her 38 week appointment yesterday, so technically I got to meet my new RE then. Sitting in the room with her waiting for the doctor I am looking around and the first thing I see is a portable dildo cam lol yes defiantly going to be getting some monitoring there.
As for everything else I am still enjoying work, just slightly stressed that the summer bus schedule is going to give me some issues and limited availability. Thankfully it will mainly be on the weekends but there is not much I can do about it, its not my fault they cut a few buses off the route in the summer.

A few pictures to start with form the old camera

Ok these are from the old camera that I managed to get uploaded onto the computer tomorrow I will post the rest of the house pictures form the new camera.
Upstairs bathroom (the only bathroom I have attempted to decorate so far)



Spare bedroom


Office


Kittens we rescued the day before we moved
Lexi and Abby

Them with my Adult Female Zoe who has decided to play moma to them

New Camera

Ok since we could not locate our usb cord any where and the camera we were usuing was only a 2.8 mega pixel we got a new camera today a 10.2 wow big differance i havne't taken it out of its package yet but by monday mornign at the latest i iwll have picture up for everyone

The up coming birth of my neice

Is in 27 days, yes unfortunately we know the exact date because my friend has a blood clotting disorder and is having a scheduled c section. I am loving spending the time with my nephew, yeah ok they aren't related by blood but who really cares about little details like that, he is also 19 months old and not an infant so I am sorta ok with it. However when Eryn arrives at the end of the month, I am not sure I am going ot be able to handle it. I live two doors away I am expected to help take care of Ryan while my friend is healing, but that also means spending a lot of time over at her place with Eryn as well. Since this long road of our journey really started to get long I have avoided at all costs infants once they hit the toddler stage I seem to be ok.
I guess my only saving grace is going ot be that I am seeing my new RE a week before Eryn arrives. Coincidently my RE is also my friend's high risk OB.

It other news my furnature is arriving today I so can't wait. I am also loving my new job. I am really starting to wonder if it was my old job that was makign me so tired and sore all the time or the fact that our old apartment was infested with mold which we found more of as we were loading up the truck and packing boxes. Since we moved I have felt a lot better I don't have the constant headaches any more, yeah I still get headaches but not liek I was so maybe there is a lot to the fact that my old apartment was making me ill. Which could have been a strike against us in our quest.

Can't wait for tuesday

My living room furniture will be delivered between 4 and 7. Which means hopefully by the time I get home from work it will be here. Then I will have to figure out how to post pictures on here so that I can show my readers my new house and my new furniture. We are still no where near unpacked but I guess that is what happens when you start work like 8 days after you move in and in those 8 days you had so much running aorund to do that just nothing really gets done. I am hoping to maybe get some done this week in the mornings since I don't start work until noon every day. So maybe if I can get an hour or so in a day of unpacking things will come together nicely I hate living out of boxes and it seems like I have been doing that for the last three months enough is enough already. It doesn't help that in inside and outside city workers here are on strike and have been for six weeks now so there is no garbage collection no recyling collection so where so I put all my empty broken down boxes? The garbage at least the complex has hired a private company to come and collect it so that at least isn't piling up its just the recyling.

First day was a success

Yesterday was a great first day. I so far like all my new coworkers don't know their names but they all seem really nice. Today the most "exciting" part of my day will be learning to make keys, I am training in the customer care desk today so should be a fun filled day.

New Family Doctor

Had my first appointment with her on friday and I really like her which is a bonus. She had me book an appointment for a physical for next month gave me 2.5 months worth of samples of my singular which for soem reason ontario drug benefits will not cover, considering it helps me breath oh well at least she was able to get me some samples. She also didn't autpmatically blame any of my issues on my weight just said we will deal with you pcos issues inculding the weight one step at a time yippe. She practises in a community health clinic and they have everything free there including massage therapy I couldn't have found a better clinic to go to.
Tomorrow is my first day of work wow time sure flies. We still haven't finished unpacking but it didn't all get packed in one week so we will get there.

Got my RE appointment

Wow I am impressed my friend had her ob appointment today and this is the same dr who is going to be my RE, she was talking to him about us and how we were waiting for a referral so we were told jut to book the appointment and get our new family doc to send along the referral. My old doctor still hasn't cashed my cheque but said my chart has been forwarded so I honestly have no idea. I am just glad that i have my appointment.
Also my internet is up and working finally they came this morning yippie back to some what normalcy.

Things that make you go hmmmm....

Ok still no where near unpacked still havne't gone grocery shopping so much still to do but there is no stress. I do however need to find the box with my hpts in it somehting is definatly up. The praying to the proceline god is back now that the stress is gone. I go see my family doctor on friday, so we shall see. The semi AF I had last week was not what I would ocnsider normal even for me the queen or abnormal. She started late thursday night reddish brown not really flow but slightly more than spotting not really enough for a tampon or anyhting. By late friday afternoon it was gone and the whole time not bright red flow so not thinking it was really trully AF anyone give any takes?

Cogeco bites

Ok to start off I arranged to have my phone internet and cable hooked up yesterday between 5 and &pm six weeks ago I prepaid for it two and a half weeks ago an did they even bother to show up yesterday NO. So at 7:01 I called them to see what the deal was when I was told oh the technition was there at 5:19pm and there was no one there ummmm ok we had the front door off at that point and were in the process of getting our freezer in so hell yeah we were there. Now the earliest they can come and install everything is wednesday and of course it is now an all day appointment. WTF like in all honesty I am soooooooooooooooo pissed off it isnt even funny I nearly lost it on the phone with the witch. She ended up compensating me with free instalation and a free month of the phone service but if you recall I already prepaid. So needless to say the next four days are going to be soooooooooooooooooo boring while unpacking no tv, no net yikes. At least my best friend lives two doors down and is letting me use her computer.
Oh the posative is my nefew Ryan is the sweetest little munchkin there is. I love him dearly.
We also grew our little fmaily. On wednesday when we were trying to leave our one cat Luna got lost, well actually she went into hidding and it took 7 hours to find her. While we were looking outside becasue we were sure she had gotten outside we found two four week old abandoned kittens. So now we have two little babies and our three adults. Sammy, Zoe, and Luna are now the proud older sibblings to Abby and Lexi. Luna btw was hidding in the washing machine and wasn't outside afterall.

Hello from Windsor

Good morning all just a quick note to let you know we arrived safe and sound after a 12 hour drive. Between the wind traffic stopping to pick up appliances it was a long ass day. My DH was fantastic he hates driving in the dark, he hates driving big trucks but he did an amazing job. Give him a round of applase please. I will update more once my net is set up and my computer is all settled my monitor is on the fritz again going shopping for a new one this weekend.

Loading the Truck

Well we are loading the truck the Mom's attic is full of boxes taking a short break then its disassembling the dinning room table and putting the fridge and stove in. Once the fridge and stove are in the hard part is over the rest of the furnature isn't as big or as heavy. Let's hope that this doesn't take a long time to load so that wya there isn't much to do tomorrow morning before we leave

Four more sleeps

So we have decided to break the move up into two trips the first being to my mom's on thursday. Then friday morning leaving Wassaga Beach and heading to Windsor. Its definatly going to be better then driving for something like 9 hours on friday. I can't bleieve it is only days now until the move. Still not completely finished packing but we will be by wednesday.
On tuesday I made an appointment for a reiki treatment I figured we deserved a bit of a treat, so that should be nice. On thursday I have an eye doctor's appointment figured might as well get that done and over with for another year. I had wanted to get my hair cut before we left but it dosen't look liek that is going ot happen. Partly because my hairdresser comes to my house and well I have no room to move in here for boxes so there is no room for her to cut my hair. Oh well I guess I will have to find a place to get it done in Windsor.
I have scheduled my meet and greet with my new manager for the 19th getting excited for that.
For packing the bedroom is basically finished I htink two more boxes in there will do it so now all that is really left is the kitchen, laundry room and shed and then we are done I am thinking we might tackle the shed on tuesday or wednesday. I just can;t wait to be out of htis apartment. Found today that there had been a water leek in the bedroom which we didn't know about because the bed is up against the wall and it was under the bed so that was a not so pleasant surprise. This apartment should be condemed, if I weren't so much of a chicken I would be calling the ministry of health on the landlord, between the rotten window frames the mold in the ceiling its just horrible its no wonder I have been constantly sick.

Do I have enough boxes?

This is starting to be a big concern of mine. The move date is less then a week away since we are doing the drive in two parts and we are still no where near finished packing. I picked up more boxes from work yesterdy but I honestly don't even know if we have enough. I need to back up last week was insane box week at work there was an over flow of the cardboard room so on sunday I went and picked out about 30 or so boxes put them aside with a huge note on them saying please save for me I will pick up tomorrow. I get to work on monday and guess what the cardboard guy has come and gone and so are all my hand picked boxes. SO why didn't I take them home sunday, well importantly how do you walk home with that many boxes? I had a ride home on monday sp hence why I was waiting till monday to bring them home. So instead I had to wait until yesterday which was my last day, to get some where there weren't nearly as many boxes to choose from, so here is hoping i have enough other wise I will be panicking.
So let's see what did I accomplish today on my first day of freedom from work? The car is gone, insurance is cancled, plates have been turned in, change of address has been put in to take effect next thursday. Another box of clothes was packed but that is about it. I finished my last computer repair here thankfully I honestly need all my time to get everythign else packed right now. I also manged all of this on like two hours of sleep. Oh I didn't mention that my cable and internet company fucked up and dissconected us yesterday instead of next thursday so that was a few hairy phone calls. No tv or internet for a week eeek that would not have been good. At least that is sorted out now and as you can see i am online again. The cable was also turned back on in time for Grey's tonight and that was important.
So tomorrow its more packing and hoping that I have enough boxes who would have though I had so much to pack.

Bittersweet

I gave my cash key in today, that was bittersweet. My last shift is tomorrow. This week i have been out in the garden center it has been so peaceful out there. It really has made my last few shifts all that more tolerable.
Yesterday I counted my canadian tire money for the last time and sent it all up stairs it kinda hit home then.
Tomorrow is going ot be an interesting day for sure. The one manager said to me yesterday that they were going to miss I am sure that will be true.

Very Confused

Ok a cycle post since I haven't complained about it in a while. I am currently on cd 49 and having the weirdest cycle as of yet. I have test all BFN only a hint of a line on the opks. Yet I am still having the nightly/daily tummy issues, ecessive amount of stretch CM, which for the past couple of days has had some pink streaks in it. Nothing like I have had before, usually when there is spotting its not streaks, its pink CM. I honestly am so confused it isn't even funny but don't really have all that much time to give it that much thought with the move in 12 days. I have an appointment with my new fmaily doctor on the 22nd I will ask her for a beta and an u/s. I guess for the time being that is all I can do.

Four Shifts left

Wow it really hit home today when I went and got my profit sharing paperwork from the store owner today so that I can have it transferred to the new store. Wednesday is my last shift, it is going to be bitter sweet, yes there are a lot of things that drive me crazy about work but there are some good people there. I have worked at this store for just over two years, with it being such a small store the staff sorta becomes like a family. Everything is becoming more and more real now, not much time left and still so much more to do. I have to remember to get more boxes before my last shift because I really don't think I have enough. I have quite a few packed but it seems like we haven't even started packing I am starting to get so stressed that I am not going to get it done in time. Someone please reassure me.

Wow

DH worked his last shift last night, wow already. My last shift is a week away. Time sure is flying by. Since DH is home today he has a list of things to do, on top of that list is applying for EI. I can't believe the move is almost here.

Finally packing my kitchem lmas

Ok i have kept saying that I was planni8ng on packing my kitchen well I finally started it after DH left for work. I am sorta insane and am rewashing all my dishes before I pack them and since my kitchen is like the size of a postage stamp I have taken to washing dishes in my bath tub lol if only people could see me now. At least i have space now instead of trying to wash dishes in my kitchen which basically you can wash five or six at a time and then you have no more counter space. I can't wait to get into my bigger kitchen, which has a double sink thank god. Only 18 more days.

Spending the day packing

Well I am sticking to it today I am spending the day packing and going threw everything.
Already got three boxes packed and a bunch of other junk ready for the garbage, so today is going to be a productive day. I ma hoping to get at least 20 more boxes done today lets see if I accomplish that.

Three Weeks

The flu is going around work and I caught it after filling in for my one coworker twice this week I had to call in today. After some much needed sleep I am feeling slightly better no more fever and no more running ot the bathroom so its back to work tomorrow. After tomorrow I only have nine shifts left.
I am starting to plan a girls night out as a farewell to my friends I have made here, so that is still in the works just go to the local tavern for a few drinks and wings, it will be nice to have a stress free evening.
I am off this weekend and am planning on getting as much done as I can. Next week I have my last meeting with my Pampered Chef team here that is going ot be bitter sweet. I am still going to have their support once we move but won't have the face to face interaction at the meetings. Hopefully I can find a hospitality director in Windsor to go to their monthly sales meetings.
Next week is my last offical full week at work considering my last day is a Wednesday. Honestly where has the time gone? It feels like yesterday we made the decision to move and start looking at prospects and here we are three weeks away from begining our new life.
It is going ot be great to have a fresh start. I was doing some research today and figured out which bus routes I need to take to get me to my new job. There is a direct route that would mean only one bus however it takes just over an hour. If I take the other route its two buses but only 37 minutes so I think I will go with the shorter amount of time. Plus the shorter route means that if I start at 8am then I cna get therre on time.
There is still so much to do we are waiting on the check to get here to remburse us for perscription and my knee brace, a lot of the move is being weighted on the arrival of that check which should be here any time now. Also awaiting DH's new schedule his contract goes till May 3rd but we are unsure if he will be working at all in May. Once we know when he can apply for EI all the better.
So basically left to do still finish packing, get rid of the car, put in for a change of address at the post office, apply for EI (DH), call the town about the big garbage pick up and hopefully its before we move so I can get rid of our couch if not the landlord will have to as I am leavign it in the apartment. SO much to do so little time, I know it will all get done but wow it is still getting here so quickly

Well its offical

I handed in my two weeks notice today at work. Wow, time sure is moving fast. Two weeks tomorrow and I am done at this store. Yikes time is just flying by. We still have so much to do. DH still hasn't gotten rid of the damn car that had better happen soon. I still don't have as much packed as I owuld like but oh well I am off this weekend and I intend to get a decent amount done, DH is working so I will be able to put the tunes on and just get things done my way, lol.

As for my cycle don't ask me I am not even bothering with temping right now I highly doubt I even o'd this cycle so now I am just waiting I will get my new GP to run a beta when I go see her next month if af still hasn't shown her face

Wow only 17 days until my last day

I can't believe how fast time has gone. I have just over two weeks left at work. Today was an insane day, I had a customer who I delt with for over 45 minutes. He bought a car batter on friday and brought his old batter in at the same time therefore getting a casting credit of $10. Well the battery was the wrong one so he brings it back today, to get the right one. So far no issue. I give him the return for what he originally paid which is the full price of the battery minus the casting credit. He brings the proper batter to my cash thi battery is a fair amount more then the wrong one. So I put in his credit for the wrong batter and his total comes to basically $50. He then procedees to argue with me for 45 minutes, that I am over charging him by $10 (which is what the casting credit is) now on the new battery he dose not get the bcasting credit because he did not bring back an old battery today. I called my manger he tried exlaping it to the guy, the cash office manager tried explaining it to him. The new batter minus what he paid for the wrong battery equals the $50. There was no getting threw to this man, I was ready to pull my hair out. So now he wants my store's dealer to call him tomorrow becuase he still feels that he was over charged by $10. I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation.
I had another customer bop me on the head today with a roll of landscaping fabric, it just wasn't my day.
Here is hoping that tomorrow is better.

still feeling like crap

No idea what is going on. My allergies have given me two black eyes, I have been awake since 3 am when my stomach flip flopping woke me up. Was suppossed to spend the day packing but instead spent the say fixing other people's computers. I just want to get this place packed up and be moved already. I had to buy a new printer yesterday because mine while I was trying to print out my final notice letter for work decided to die this just hasn't been my week. I would write more but I can bearly keep my eyes open and my nose is running and my eyes are itchy and dry tonight is just not a good night and I think I have some benedryl calling my name

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm

Well last night followed the same as the previous two. 10:30 pm hits and my stomach flip flops, this is really starting ot get annoying. Now if I knew there was a reason for this I would be elated by it, but since as of yet there is no reason I am merely annoyed by the fact. For the past two mornings have woekn up fairly nauseous eating a few soda crackers and I feel better for the majority of the day but come night time when I am sitting relaxing and watching tv it hits me like a sack of bricks.
My Dh is starting ot drive me a little insane with his "Are we there yet?" yes i know he is excited but so am I just be patient it will be here before we know it. I have given him one thing to get done and that sitll isn't done I sure hope I don't have to deal with that too.

The Flu or ......

Is it the flu or something else. BFN this morning but then again I am not technically late, my cycles post lap have been between 35 and 38 days. After two nights of praying to the proceline god I am not sure what to think. Only time will tell. This pattern isn't following my usual pattern of nausea begining a few days post suspected o and lasting until af arrives nope that is usually just the nausea, this time it is full out nausea and vomiting so maybe maybe here's fingers crossed. Or maybe it is just the flu but I already had the stomach flu this year and no one else around me is sick. Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Any ways I am going back to bed I feel liek I could sleep for a year.

Happy Easter

I hope everyone had a happy easter. Ours was fairly quiet went to my step grandmother's for dinner it was nice. It was a nice sunny day so the walk over was nice its so nice to be able to walk now without much pain. My knee is slowly getting better I am having more better days then bad days now. We had ment to spend the weekend packing that didn't happen but it will get done we still have some time. We did get some packing done.
Tomorrow is laundry and packing the kitchen day we will get that done. Tomorrow is also suppossed to be my testing day I am not suyre if I am going to do that we shall see. My charts look so pretty but according to my doctor my last two cycles I havne't ovulated so who knows I can't wait to see my new doctor.

yikes

My doctors office called me yesterday afternoon to tell me how much it is going to cost to transfer my file. I was not impressed, $78.04. Yikes this is on top of all the other moving expenses. Work is still being ridiculus with giving me under 20 hours a week. Oh well somehting else to add to the ever growing budget. Only 18 more shifts at work I guess I had better write my offical notice this weekend because it is getting pretty close to 2 weeks already.

Now its really becoming real

Just finished setting up the disconnect date for my current phone and then called and set up hydro and the new cable internet and phone. This makes everything more real now. Its 36 days until move date. Now I just need to remember to call the cable company a week before to make sure my digital boxes get sent to my friend so they are there when we get everything hooked up. Which we won't be without internet phone or cable for long because it is getting hooked up on the day we move in. So now all that is left to arrange is getting our mail forwarded.

Another waste of time

So went in for my appointment today, which was another waste of time. Well I did get the referal to the new doctor but it is going to cost me some outrageous amount to get my file transfered. Its $35 for the first five pages and then $1.50 a page and my file is pretty thick not looking forward to this. He was like oh it looks like we had to coach you on taking your clomid. No you idoiot I called in after my first cycle on 100mg and asked if I was to stay on that dosage, or if it needed to be increased the receptionist is the one who didn't understand me. He was like oh well then you should have been given 150 mg as you didn't show any ovulation all I oculd do was shake my head. So now he has given me a new script for 150mg as well as for provera if this cycle seems ot be never ending. So now I need to decide what to do, do I take the 150 mg or do I just wait and see when I get an appointment to see the new doctor.
In other news we got a new set of towels for the upstairs bathroom in hte new house. We have decided to go with a black and champange color scheme. So far it is coming together.
I also managed to get two pairs of really nice work pants on the calerance rack for $15 each and they are regularly around $85 each so got a good deal there.

Only 24ish shifts leftWo

Wow I was just looking at the calender, and I counted only approximately 24 more shifts until my last day. Time is going by so quickly next weekend is Easter already. My head is still spinning from tr5ying to make sure we have everything done that needs to be done when it needs to be done. There is still the calling ot arrange for my current phone line to be disconnected, the setting up of hydro and cable and internet and phone at the new house.

As for my current cycle, we are 8dpo and counting. I am not too sure how much hope I want to have for this cycle. I guess time will tell.

Booked the UHaul

Another thing crossed off the to do list. Called to find out about the prices for the UHaul today and ended up booking it. So that is one less thing to be done.
I talked ot my store owner yesterday to give him the offical news, well its still not fully offical because I have to give him written notice, but its closer to offical anyways. I also got another raise so that is good, now I will lose that when I start at the new store but at the new store I will only be losing $0.25 an hour so I can deal with that.
My DH has taken to puttign the count down in his facebook status the past few days and I must say that seeing 41 days and counting today make reality take place. That seems like a lot less time then my count down of 5 weeks 6 days. On monday we are going into North Bay for my doctor's appointment as well as some new house shopping. I have already picked up the shower curtin for the upstairs bathroom, so now I need to get the bath mats and the other little things for it. As well as new dish clothes and towels just a lot of little odds and ends. Its bad enough we are going to bea bit without some sort of living room furnature so that will be interesting.
We will just take our time filling the new house with the nice things we want for now we are just weeding out the junk and crap we don't want to bring with us. I think I only actually have four boxes packed so far but have gotten rid of a shit load of crap and junk we don't need any more or that is no more good. Next weekend I am tackleing my kitchen and packing everything but two plates two bowls ect and a couple of my pampered chef stones for cooking.

One more detial ironed out

So even though I had gotten the call on Monday saying I got the job for sure it wasn't until tonight that I got to speak with my new manager and go over some of the finer details. One of the best details is yes they would like black shoes but they are not picky on it so no more searching for days and weeks looking for a comfortable pair of black shoes now if I fin a comfy pair I can wear them. To me that is a huge deal. So I will be starting the week of May 25th and I am to go in the week before for a meet and greet. I am so excited it is going to be a new challenge thats for sure, considering the store is at least 4 times bigger then the one I am working in now.

Another thing check off the list

The move is still six week away but there is still so much to get done. Called the cable company today to arrange the pick up the digital box and the internet modem. Things are slowly falling into place, got the call yesterday that I did for sure get the job in the new store so I am happy. Just over 6 weeks left yippie

First full shift in over a month

Today is definatly going to be interesting. My first full shift in over a month my first full day wearing my brace so far the longest I have managed to stay comfortable with it on is 6 hours, so a 9.5 hour shift plus the walk there and back this is bound to be interesting.
In other news it looks like I o'd on my birthday so if I actually did o I am hoping that something actually takes out of this. Now comes the hard part the waiting. I go see my doctor next monday and will also be getting my p4 test done either this friday or monday before I go to my appointment so he's not going to have those results obviously but maybe he will give me last cycle's results that I tried so desperatly to get over the phone and couldn't. I can't wait to move and get to see the proper RE.

Wow I'm impressed

Work just called a few minutes ago, thankfully not to call me in this weekend but to make changes to my schedule for next week. Which since I was off on Friday i hadn't even seen. Which to me is unacceptable but they let her get away with it. The schedule is suppossed to be out by wednesday at the latest because on her weekends to work she has thursdays off. Any ways as to way I am impressed for the last six weeks or so I have been given shitty shifts, horrible hours it just hasn't been fun. My hours per week have been averaging between 17 and 25, in all honesty how can someone live on that. This week its a miraqcle I have 35.5 hours. This is going to be rough on my knee but I will manage it just have to jerry rig something up so it dosen't rub the back of my knee and it will be all good

Happy Birthday to Me

It's hard to believe that it is already the end of March. Another year older andother year wiser, another year with empty arms.
Today I am taking a day for myself my DH and I are going for a reiki treatment shortly and I am hoping that will help me relax some. I woke up this morning with a horendus sore throat. It probobly dosen't help that they decided to put these horrible strong smelling air fresheners/odur adorbers on three shelves right in front of the cashes yesterday and the smell of them was aggreivating my asthma/allergies and the fact that a huge gulp of water went down the wrong way. Oh well at least I have the weekend off to feel better.
I am so glad that each day I wake up is one day closer to the move yippie

Got my knee brace

It finally came in this morning after numberous calls to fedex it was supossed to be here on monday. Pulled it out of the box, and tried it on it fits perfectly. I was in a lot of pain this morning I put it on and pain instantly subsided my knee is stable again. I can walk a lot better still hobbeling but not as bad the hobbeling is now because of the brace. My hinges are adjustable and right now are set at the most lax position I will see how this goes at work today and adjust them as needed. I feel so much better now

Things are moving forward

As of today we have a family doctor in Windsor, and have our first appointments booked already. Things are looking up for us. Slowly everything is falling into place. Now I just need to get the appointment with the RE, hopefully we will be able to get that set up at my next appointment with my current doctor in two weeks.
Down to about 30 more shifts at work time is starting ot go by fast. I guess we had better get our butts in gear and get some more packing done.
I have a three day weekend this weekend so hopefully will get lots done. I am looking forward to the yummy dinner my DH is going ot make for my brithday on friday mmmmm fahitas.

Five Years Already WOW

It's hard to imagine that it has been five years already. This is the year for milestones. Five years since my beloved Nanny passed away, five years since my breast reduction (not regretting that one one bit) and more importantly five years since we said our vows.
What has happened in those five years a lot. We moved from Oakville to a tiny northern ontario town the prodomidantly speaks french, we have had two second trimester losses, countless early mc and or chemicals. We have had our ups and downs and for the most part life has been really good to us. Except for the fact that we still have empty arms and holes in our hearts for our angels.
Today marks the begining of another five year stretch. In less then two months we will be in our new home, a new begining and lots of renewed hope.
My DH still hasn't found a job as of yet, as for me it isn't offical yet but I should be hearing early next week, the one ct store says they have between 20 and 30 hours for me which is exactly what I was looking for. We have already started to window shop for decore for the new place. Pretty much have both bathrooms decided on colors, as well as the dinning room, now the rest of the house that is a differant story. Its bad enough that we don't have enough furnature to furnish the house completely. That won't take long to do though. To help us out my mom is giving us a washer dryer and chest freezer, now they are old so they will do until we can get newer more energy efficant ones but its a start.
In the new house it is going to be the first time I am living somewhere that hydro is not inculded so this is going to be interesting, we are going to have to be even more consciencious about not wasting it, any of you out there have any tips plese share them with me.

Moving Forward

Well it looks like I might be having my choice of two out of the three CT stores in Windsor. Neither could offer me a 100% gaurentee over the phone but both said they would be welcoming. I sent my resume off to one and talked with the other who wants me to go see him when I arrive in Windsor. So one less stress delt with. I booked my vacation yesterdya at work so my offical last day will be May 6th for actual working. I am taking my vacation until May 23rd as that is what is owed to me.
Our townhouse is two doors down from my best friend so this is turing out to be a great fresh start for us I really can't wait. Now I only have to survive 38 more shifts at work

Its Offical we have a moving date

We have confirmation that we got the townhouse we were looking at and got the move in date of May 15th. Neither of us have jobs yet but we are still looking I am going to be seeing if I can get some strings pulled to be transfered to the Canadian Tire store there. I am soooooooooo excited.
This definatly makes up for the issues I have been having with my doctor's office this week. I called in to see if my P4 results indicated ovulation or not because I need to know weather to fill the script for the 100mg of clomid again. The receptionist gave me the run around and then finally said just take it as perscribed so basically I know nothing. I asked if I had ovulated then sicne I was suppossed to stay on the same dosage and all she would say to me was the doctor said to take it as perscribed grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So ok I will do another round of 100mg and when I go to my next appointment I am getting my referal to the new doctor in Windsor.

No Hope

After a few BFN's its onto the provera still have no idea if the clomid actually worked or not this cycle going to try and get that information from my doctor tomorrow. So nothing really new in that department.
As for my knee we have finally found a brace that will do the right job. Just waiting for our income tax refund to order it now.
On the move front we are both still looking for new jobs. The really good one my DH applied for the posting was cancled so we are still looking.
My current job is still pissing me off. They have offered me a lay off for the second time in two months, this time for me to let my knee heal. Yeah ok I believe that, I am apprently boarderline able to work. Yet I go t work every day I do what I am asked yeah ok I hobble and am a little slower but I am doing my freaken job.

Doctors Orders

So I went in for my p4 blood test this morning. Also had a CBC added to it been feeling anemic lately and don't want that getting out of control. I also figured that since I am there and its been basically a month since I had my knee checked last and its not getting any better to get it checked again. So they proceed to get the x rays omg they are so painful a healthy unpainful knee dosen't bend like that you moron. I must say though when she asked the dreaded question before starting the xrays "Any chance you could be pregnant?" my response was I am currently on a medicated cycle and just went for a serum progesterone test however it is too early for a urine test to give accurate results, she looked at me kind of puzzled then said well let's be better safe then sorry and I will give you double lead layer.
So I go back and sit in the waiting room I get called in and I sit in the exam room for over a hour and wait and wait my knee throbbing from the manipulation needed for the xrays, I watch the doctor pass back and forth in front of the door, when he finally comes in and asks where it hurts then proceeds to twist and manipulate it even more the tears and flowing freely now, me knee hurts ok stop moving it like that.
His conculsion it still hasn't healed the antiinflamatories I was given before aren't doing anyhting. He says we'll get you somehtign stronger, ok good becuase this pain is driving me insane. He then says you need a brace, you knee is very very very instable finally someone with some brains. He then goes on to say that I am not allowed to twist or cross my legs when sitting or do anyhitng that puts my knee at a weird angle. He also says and his orders "You have to be very very careful, hold onto railings be very careful walking watch where you step your knee could go at any minute. Be very careful"
So I guess the ER at our hospital (because we don't have a clinic in town and I do not have a fmaily doctor) has redeemed itself a little bit I walked out with a script for a knee brace, and another for some stronger antiinflamatories. His diagnosis is the same torn cartlige and to wait another month and see if the brace and the new meds help.

Just random thoughts

There is so much going threw my mind right now. I am getting so excited about the prospect of moving. Slowly going threw daydreams of how I want to decorate and such. Looking at things at work and saying that would be nice to get for the new place. There is this gorgeous framed picture of a vase of white with pink hues roses, which I think would be perfect in our bedroom. In this apartment we still have boxes packed from when we moved in. This apartment was suppossed to be a temporary stepping stone. Our landlord told us that he would have a house for us in six months well in July we will have been here three years. So we haven't decorated everything is very cluttered and its down right depressing looking at this hole. I can't wait to have room to move rooms to go into to get away form DH. This apartment is basically a bacelor apartment with a small bedroom so very tiny. The kitchen we can't even open the fridge door all the way, there is hardly enough room for one person in there let alone two when you need help with something. I have a nice burn scar on my back from the roasting pan from christmas of 07, had it on the stove top resting before carving and was trying to do somethign on the counter and ouch burnt my back.
There is so much that I would love to have a place for everything all my nick nacks proudly displayed. I have three boxes of party light candle holders and no where to display them. Not to mention the fact that I have no cupboard space for all my pampered chef stuff.
I have decided that I am going to head down to Windsor for the week that my friend is having her scheduled c section, that way my nefew will be able to stay at home while his mom is in the hospital and have some what of a normal routine. Here is hoping that both my DH and I have jobs by then. I would love to be able to move without having new jobs linned up but that is not practical. As it is when we do move we will be moving into a new house and having furniture for our bed room and the dinning room, but thats about it. My couches are not coming with us, because Koda even though he was a sweetie we had to find him a new home destroyed both couches and there is no way I am going ot bring those into a new house. He had severe anxiety issues and the minute you left the house he would pee on the couches, I have steam cleaned and used pet ordour remover and nothing helps. Now the smell might actually be gone but I can still smell it so right now they both have blankets covering them. I have a feeling kijji is going ot be my friend the first few weeks we are there.
There is just so much I want and so much that I can visualize. I can't wait to have a home that actually feels liek a home. THis apartment feels so empty, its hard to explain we havne't made it ours, we have no pictures on the walls, no nick nacks out, my table has a plain white table cloth on it and its very cluttered, there is no place for anyhting nothing has its own special little place. Half my bedroom furniture is in my living room, my microwave is sitting on my dresser, my tv is sitting on a dinning room table (because i have two tables) I could go on and on.
I have my fingers crossed that my DH hears something about the job he applied for last month, they said they would let selected applicants know by the 27th of this month so next week. Here's hoping

I think yesterday was it

CM went back to creamy today temp went up so it was either yesterday or sunday bd today again just incase I sure hope we caught the egg this time if I even released an egg. I am really gettign frustrated here

Confusing OPKs

Well the opk was - tonight no line what so ever and I have had no EWCM so I don't know what to think but then again I ddin't have as much creamy or watery as I normally have so thinking that the clomid is drying me up slightly thankfully we have preseed.
I guess tomorrow will tell if the cm dries up or not and what my temp dose although my temp this cycle has me scratching my head
Its back to work tomorrow I am not looking forward to it. My knee has gotten lots of rest this weekend and it is only mildly bothering me still swollen like a water melon but not as sore tormorrow will tell me how much it hates standing in one spot at work

Having this time off work makes me realize even more how much I am hating my job lately. I can't wait for the end of the month to find out if my DH has a chance at the job he applied for. The sooner we can move and get out of here the better. If we could afford to we would be moving before finding new jobs but that is out of the question at this point and time.
We had a nice quiet valentines day yesterday, didn't do much just watched tv and enjoyed some of our favorite snack foods.
Still no + on the OPKs so still waiting there. Hopefully when DH gets home from work tonight he will be in the mood.

Its finally Friday

I am so glad that the week is over. Time for some much needed r and r this weekend. It will be nice and quiet because DH has to work.
OPK's are still getting slightly darker so maybe just maybe they will turn into a ture + at some point. I am not confident in my temps at all this cycle they have been all over the place maybe the battery is going in my thermometer. I guess all I cna do is keep temping and hope that everythign turns out alright

Is it Friday Yet??

One more short shift at work and then three wonderful days off. Three days to rest my knee and hopefully it will feel better. My daily limp isn't the most pleasnt to the eye, but it helps me get around now the walking up the 20 or so stairs to the break room at work kills me but its winter so I have to bring my winter coat to work so that is a minamum of four trips up and down those stairs the agony.
My ovaries are in over drive feels like they are constantly aching so I am hoping this is a good sign. OPK's are still getting darker so yippie

Ok OPK is slightly darker today

SO here I am cd 8 and my opk is slightly darker, I must say I am impressed as yesterday's is close to as dark as I usually ever get maybe this time the clomid is doing what it is supossed to. I do know that my ovaries are aching quite a bit so maybe just maybe, not getting my hopes up too much yet, but false hopes are better than hopes. Going to do another opk when I get home from work this evneing and see if it is the same or darker than this mornings. There might be some light at the end of this tunnle, between the increased dosage of the met which is making me feel a bit better, the excessive fatigue I have been plauged with seems to be slowly diminishing, things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I am hoping that my O date is sometime this weekend because that would be a great valentine's day gift to ourselves.
I had better remind DH to make sure he has the pipes cleaned out because the baby dancing marathon has to comence soon.

Here we go again been there done that but doing it again

Took the last two little clomid pills today so now the constant scrutanizing of all the little things leading up to O has begun.
Started the ritual with politely asking my DH today if he had "cleared the pipes lately" which just kinda got a smirk out of him.
Those little tests that are supossed to indicate an LH surge I am still not too sure I turly beleive they work for me, I have never gotten a true +. That maybe the PCOS issues there but only time will tell. The one I took tonight just for the hell of it was abotu as half as dark as the control so here's to the twice daily routine, of grab disposable dixie cup assume the position pee in said cup check color to make sure that its concentrated enough, dip said little test strip in cup, rest said test strip across the top of the cup and wait the allotted time frame, squint, peer, tilt what ever necessary to try and determine said color of test line while conpamring it to the control line. Mentally record the outcome and start all over again the next day. THis doen't even begin on the checking for CM, is it just watery or is it heading toways EW??
From the day AF rears her ugly face we wait and prepare for the big O and i am not talking orgazim here, nope waiting for that little egg to be released.
I would love to know when in the cycle are we suposed to relax and just let nature take its course???
Oh yeah right that is for those who are not struggling with infertility and had an opps, we weren't planning this.
Not for us bitter and jealsous infertiles who sit here waiting with empty arms

Will this winter ever end??

I am so tired of the cold, ice and snow its not even funny. Saterday we had rain then it froze over night so you guessed it my driveway is a skating rink. Glare ice + sore knee not a good combo. I wipped out going up the stairs from my apartment on the way to work yesterdya and then when I was getting out of my friend's car I wipped out coming home, my poor knee just has no luck, no wonder it keeps getitng worse.

On the work front I havne't seen the head cashier since last tuesday but I have to work with her today. So up till today work has been great havne't felt any tnesion, I am sure that will change today. The only bad thing about work is the fact that I was scammed but we got it sorted out and I feel a bit better not completely but I still feel horrible that it happened.

I am on day four of my clomid and just trucking along not sure what to expect this time around I am not holding out much hope. Maybe the new dosage of met and the clomid together will work I honestly have no idea but we shall see.

Ok to furthur expand my doctor's appointment yesterday, it could have been better, we waited for almost two hours mind you the doctor did have to run out and deliver a baby girl, so i guess the wait was worth while.
Finally get into see him he dose a quick glance at my chart, asks to double check I took the clomid last cycle and says well that dose didn't work so we will try 100mg. I ask him for a cbc because I have been feelign anemic lately, almost had to fight to get that, but once he understood no family doctor he gave it to me. Hands me another rec for a p4 on cd 19 (he is obbessed with cd 19) and says see you in six weeks. He also goes on to say that he will only go so far with clomid yes I know this you explained all that at my last three appointments, so I proceed to tell him that we are planning on moving and that I have a doctor lined up that works at a satelight fertility clinic, that perked him up. So now we move onto the 100 mg and start the process all over again.

The other issue we had yesterday is we have to rent a car to get to my appointments becuase they are 40 Km away. At 10:30 yesterdya morning an hour and a half before we are supossed to pick up our car, we get a call from the rental company, they apprently didn't realize that they had a rental till that morning, and the car re had reserved came back dmanaged so they don't have a car for us. At this point I am silently freaking. They proceed to tell us that they went ahead and called another rental company and got us a car. Now this other ocmpany is almost $20 more for the rental then we were prepared to pay. Thankfully after some time on the phone got it all sorted out and our next rental from the original company is going to be discounted.

Over lal it was a nice day despite everything we did a little bit of shopping, got perscriptions renewed, found me a new pair of work shoes and finally got a doctor to ackwoledge that my knee has somehting wrong with it.
I did the stupid thing and went and googled torn knee cartlige this morning, now why in the world did I do that? I already knew what it was going ot say but reading it wasn't any better. Let's just hope that the antiinflamatories make it better I don't needa third surgery in as many years.

50mg was a defanite bust

Well my p4 indicates I didn't ovulate at all on the 50 mg or at least before I had the p4 drawn. I am now up to 100mg and go back to see in on april 6th I am to call him if I get a + test before then though.
Also went to the walk in to get my other perscriptions refilled (still no fmaily doctor) and have my knee checked (its been lockign up on me lately) Well the doc there thinks that I have torn some cartlige in it now that explains the pain I have been in and it locking, so if it dosen't feel better in a month I am to go back and get a referal to an orthopod.

Today has been a long and busy day so thats all of the update for now will post more tomorrow

Today was slightly better

So work today was slightly better, had a full shift wow. Next's weeks schedule is up and my hours have gone up to 25. I guess the fact that I looked like I was ready to kill someone today helped. Since I cna't do the cleaning of the shelves I am left with washing the windows and show cases every shift I am in it takes me about two hours to get the all done, well today i am doing my thing, and NO ONE ELSE is cleaning, they are standing around twidling their thumbs, yet my hours get cut WTF. One other cashier cleaned for maybe 45 minutes near the end of hte day but that was only after the general manager asked her to.

On the reproductive front tomorrow is my long anticipated appointment. Today i htought for sure there was going ot be full flow. There was some pink spotting that was getting slightly heavier for about an hour and a half this afternoon and now its back to scant brown spottign so I honestly don't know. I am debating about doing another hpt tomorrow just for hte hell of it before my appointment.
I will update tomorrow about my appointment

Frustrated

Which one to start about first work or the fact that I am broken?

Work I guess, I swear they are trying ot make it so I will just quit. My hours have been cut to under 20 a week, all becasue them not following my doctor's note anbd making me clean I ended up needing to call in sick two days last week. Today another cashier calls in sick so I am left alone to man customer service and cash for two hours, the two busiest hours of the day between 4 and 6. No one even talks to me any more its like i have the plague. I am so hatign my job right now, but i don't want to just up and quit and give them the satisfaction, I also don't want to take the layoff I was offered (until the cleaning is done) becuase then that screws up my profit sharing, and the possibility of a transfer to the Windsor store.

Now with my broken reproductive system. Still havign some spotting its gotten light pink now but still no flow. I feel like I have a UTI just nothign seems to be working right.
I also know that when we move I will be seeing a proper RE so it makes me scratch my head and wonder do I print out al lthe wonderful information a wonderful dear friend sent me and make my unwilling ot do much doctor read it, or do i tuff it out on the clomid and just wait until we move?
Anyone reading this please give me your opionions on this. I am at my witts end.

Yesterday was a day I'd rather not repeate

Yesterday was the day from hell. I some how managed despite my numerous antivirus programs, antispy ware and anti adware programs to get two nasty viruses, a backdoor and a nasty trojan. I enlisted help to get rid of the trojan the only one I knew I had we successfully got rid of it, only to find that my computer had been comprimised with the backdoor. Thankfully I hadn't been using any fincial information sicne before the backdoor had been opened I have put my accoutns on alert as a percaution though. Then I had to refotmat to regain the integrity of my computer always a fun task. I baked up everything like a good girl, and then began reinstalling everything, then the horror struck.
I had had my password for fertility friend set as a remember me always, I was unable to change my email address on the site when I got my email address changed and couldn't remember my secrete word. I began to panic, after many frustrating emails with fertility friend unwilling to help, this morning was finally able to get in.
This morning also marked slightly more spotting. Its not my normal pre af spotting dark brown and only when I wipe or check internally. So still no flow, temp is still elevated and I am still in limbo

And Today Nothing

So I was expecting AF today or at least more spotting nope, nothing nadda. My temp even went up slightly. Someone please stop this rollor coaster its not fun any more I want off.

The end in sight?

Ok so having more AF type cramps and had my first sight of brown spotting hardly anyhting but its there. I think the end is near now can the witch hold off just till monday so I can see my doc on cd 3 and get a higher doseage of clomid?? I would only be too lucky.

Am I broken?

I am seriously starting to ask myself this. AF type cramps yet no spotting, instead copious mounts of CM, ok never had this much before normally have to check internally to find it.
Wednesday is not coming soon enough and my appointment isn't until 3 pm so its going to be a very long day.
I am very curious as to what my p4 will tell me, it is getting so frustrated to know that monitoring is covered by the province's health care yet my doctor won't even give me a rec to get a beta done, the most he dose is a p4 on cd 19.
Windsor is looking more and more wonderful by the day. My DH applied for a really good job today, so here's hoping that it gets the ball moving.

So I am guessing that...

This is another one of my long marathon cycles, that goes on and on with no end in site. Thankfully i am going to see my doctor next week, who knows what he will say.
I tests last night on a cheapie got an evap so have no clue what to think.
Woke up this morning with a ragging migraine sore throat and ears so am spending the day on the couch.

In all kinds of stress from work, and my home business not goign as well as I would hope. Was suppossed to have a show tomorrow night and it wasn't cancled just postponed. So there goes some extra money out the window. Oh well good things come to those who wait.
Who ever came up with that saying wasn't an infertile.

Fed Up

Work is pissing me off nothing new there, I am fed up with all the bull shit that goes on at work. The back stabbing, the gossip, the just plain bull shit. Had another fight/argument with my head cashier today about the cleaning issue, she just dosen't get it, I have an attack I end up in the hospital, I end up in the hospital she is short one cashier. Sounds simple enough to me.
I am counting the days until I can say good bye and I won't be seeing you tomorrow. Is it July 1st yet?

I told my mom today about our plans to move and she sounds excited for us, so this is a good thing.
I am 18 dpo and starting to go insane come on AF just show your face already

17dpo and counting

Ok so today I am ofically 17dpo and still no sign either way. Another four days and I will test again bearing she dosen't show her face by then. I have spent the day attempting to fix DH's computer that hasn't worked too well, there is definatly something amiss there when xp won't load files correctly grrrrrrr. I have also attempted to make a tourteiere still waiting to see how that turned out it should be out of hte oven in about half an hour or so. Tomorrow is another day at work so that will keep my mind busy and not wondering too mcuh about being 18dpo.

Someone needs a chill pill

Computers some times mess up they arne't perfect , but oh my when his has a slight issue all hell has to break lose. The temper flares, the impatiens rears its ugly head I don't want to be in the same room as him.
Take a deep breath and relax its just a piece of technology that can malfunction

Cramps, BFN, and Uncertanty

Of course I cracked yesterday and tested BFN no big surprise there. The cramps started this morning, but no spotting no nothing like AF is going to make an imidetiate appearance. I honestly don't know what to think, I am at my witts end, I don't know where to turn, who to ask.
I want to move already and get a doctor who will actually monitor me. Was it just too early to test, did I possibly implant really late? Is there any reason to have even a glimmer of hope left?
Dose anyone have any answers for me?

Possibly Triphasic

Ok so I imput my temp this mornign and I get this message on fertility frieand possibly triphasic on cd 25, yippie another sign pointing towards the ultimate goal, the little bar beside early pregancy signs estimater is at 90pt. I don't put too much thought into this though because Ih ave had it up to 98pts and that was a busted cycle.
I still havne't tested, unsure if and when I want to even test. Yes I know I am killing some of you here, but after everythign I have been threw you just have to understand the longing for those two lines but the fear that comes along with those two lines.
I have how ever checked the chiense gender predictor (was there any ways checking for my pregnant blind friend) I have also made an approximate ticker just to find out how far (for purely medical sakes my Dr wants an early us and my appointment isn't until Feb 4th)
Even with all this woke up this morning and my lower back was sore, hmmm that usually means AF is around the cornor, so there goes down a few levels of apprehension.
FF has my test date of monday, which thankfully is my day off so if I end up in a bad mood I am at home instead of dealing with customers.
Also because of my whacky cycles I have no idea how long my LP is actually suppossed to be, umm only had one so called normal cycle, so how do I even know that testing on monday or today or that matter 15dpo is going to be accurate. Did I really O when my temps said I did? What did my P4 test revel did I even actually O?
So many questions going threw this infertiles mind it is unreal.
I just want clairification am I not allowed that, can't my life just be simple look at me cross eyed and bang the stick has two lines.

Work offically sucks

I am really begining to hate my job and considering I used ot love it this hurts. In december the assistant head cashier quit, the straw finally broke the camel's back so to speak. Since then work has been HELL. Now the AHC was such a sweetie we all loved her she stood up for us lowly cashiers the works, now that she is gone OMFG. First off let me say after an incident last year I have a doctor's note upstairs in the office forbiding me from cleaning or dusting due to severe allergies exasserbated by severe asthma. Well what dose the witch of a head cashier make me do yesterday but clean a four foot section of selves which havne't been washed or dusted in a year (the only time we have time to clean the shelves in in the slow period) so needless to say my asthma falred up sorta got it under control but am still feeling tight today. Then there is the standing for 10 hours a day in basically the same spot, I am part time I shouldn't be working 40+ hours a week because they refuse to fill the AHC postion until the spring so we need to cover the hours that she was working and there are only three of us working during the day. You have to understand that its a 40 minute walk each way for me to get to work. I enjoy the exercise but in -44 C weather come off it its too freaken cold.
I have also don somethign to my knee yet again this is the same knee that I messed up last april falling threw my deck, the same knee that has a floating knee cap, the same knee that in 03 completely dislocated itself and I was in a full leg splint for 6 months. So it hurts which makes me groucy oh and did I mention Work sucks.

Ok off the work topic for a moment and back to the TTC topic, I ran out of HPT's all I have is OPKs grrrr the test line is as dark as it was right before I o'd but still not a true + so I have no flipping clue as to what the hell is going on and I am too cheap to go out and spend like $18 on a FRER.

Insane Temp spike

Ok I have no idea where that temp spike came from this morning.
I have been battling the stomach flu since monday (finally feeling better today) then this morning my temp goes way high, I had to take it twice just to make sure i wasn't seeing things.
I so don't want to have any hope for this cycle because if i have hape then it will only get squashed like it has every other time.
On 50mg of clomid, 1500 mg of Metformin 3rd cycle post lap and axiously awaiting that illusive BFP.

When is it going to be my turn? Can any one answer that question for me?

The Decsion has been reached

After long thought my DH and I have finally reached a decision about where we are heading in life.
I should back up and explain a bit we currently live in a rural northern Ontario town. With no doctors, no real decent jobs, no nothing. We have been battling infertility for the past five and a half years. Life isn't always cheering and nor should it be. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. It is now time to take control of some situations.
Our current doctor is only willing to go threw six rounds of clomid before sending us off to yet another doctor. Which by living here isn't going to be feasiable. Thus comes our decision.
We have both already started to the job hunting process, have decided on the where and now we just have to let nature take its course. The plan is to be completely moved by the summer, so we shall see if that actually happens or not. Let's hope it dose.
I am creating this blog to vent and share my story. Please bear in mind that I am deslexic so sometimes my posts might be in code I apologize in advance, if you don't like it then don't read it.